White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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