The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
