how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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