I smell stomach acid.
barbara walters just said penis...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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