I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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