you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
