You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
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This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
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I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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