I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
