so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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