he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Edward fifth and chaser hands
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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