Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
