I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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