When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
