she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize