I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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