saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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