Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
