of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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