see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
