yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
