My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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