she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
