Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
