Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
