Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
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Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter