Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.