I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex