But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.