im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
