Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
