I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
high people should be assigned attendants
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
