So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
