Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
