That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
