great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
