dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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