Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
