she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
