Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
