Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
