totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
