im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize