So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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