I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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