somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
