I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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