i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So vagazzling was a success
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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