walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
