just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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