DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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