so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
