go do what you do best...puke behind churches
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
