even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
