Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
