A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
