defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
