just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
