Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
