Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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