i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Randomize
