You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
