I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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