i permit you to call me
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
