i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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