My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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