dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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