That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize