she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
