Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
