and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
