If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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