Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
