walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
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In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
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I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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