rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
