My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
