did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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