Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize