She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
This toilet bowl is my home.
do nipples grow back?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
