There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
