All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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