and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
