I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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