The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
