I think I died a long time ago.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
