whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
